How do you love a lie?
When I find out that my husband Misha had a daughter and that she died, it’s painful. Painful because it hurts me to know what he must have suffered to lose a child and painful because he never once told me.
It’s just one more lie in a string of lies that have driven me away from him and honestly, I don’t know if the love I feel for him is enough to survive a marriage that’s all about me loving him while he keeps me at arms-length.
I love him. I’ve let him know in every way possible.
Now it’s up to him to make the next move because if not, were over.
Have you ever lost before the game has begun?
She will never understand what I feel or how I came to be the man I am. I know it’s my fault because I keep the wall I’ve erected between us up at all times. I can’t help it. I need the wall to keep the pain, the emotions at bay.
At least that’s what I told myself until one mistake drives Irina away and I realize that living without her is no life at all. All my plans and deceptions have come back to bite me in the ass and now that I realize how deeply I love my wife, it may be too late to save the love I’ve discovered I need.
I think I’ve lost her for good and in so doing sentenced myself to darkness.