Memories alone can ruin you. Fear has a paralyzing effect, and love isn’t always enough to keep you safe.
Ace was the gateway to a freedom I hadn’t known since I was fifteen. He offered his protection from the demons that haunted me; both living and dead.
Although I knew I wasn’t enough to keep him, this didn’t deter my hope that one day he’d love me for who I was, not the broken girl he tried so desperately to save.
In the end, the ghosts of my past found me. Their malevolence knew no bounds, and I was forced to succumb to their will of darkness. Each threat named against those I loved made any escape impossible; choosing my life for theirs became my desolate absolution.
Inevitably, it was my own weakness and self-doubt that became my undoing.
Emotional ties are sometimes severed. Friendships don’t always endure their hardships, and love offered isn’t always returned.
I was in love once. For me, leaving her and my previous motorcycle club back in Ohio was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. For her, moving on with her life that included her son and the man she loved was no less than she deserved — unconditional happiness.
My reasons to bring Cherry home to California were obvious. I needed help with my family, and she needed help staying clean and convincing her parents she was ready to give her son the life he deserved.
It was a perfect plan. However, the best laid plans often get lost amidst their best intentions.
Cherry fell in love with me, and in return my love for her acted as the catalyst to her destruction.
I’m known to my friends as a player; a user of women.
Lacey Wells walked into my life and ruined it. Although not in the traditional
sense, we made the decision to be ‘exclusive’. We used each other to satisfy
our bodies’ want of lust and attraction. And we had this…for a time.
When uncontrollable events altered the arrangement and life as we knew it had
fallen to circumstance, my reactions weren’t only punishing, they were painful
and cruel. I pushed her away, causing her heartache, but in return, she refused
to break. Instead, she challenged my will at every turn. She was determined to
make me see the person I always was, but had never been.
Our path together was tumultuous and unforgiving. At times, it was full of
anger and resentment. But it was also fun and sometimes downright ridiculous.
There’s no label to our story; tales of cliché pale in comparison. It just
happened. It was us. It was crazy and it was exactly what we made it.
“I’d rather hurt you this way than watch you wake up one morning, after losing everyone in your life, because you think your love for me means more than your loyalty to them.”
Sarah said this to me.
She said that, too.
Caught up in the inescapable pain of an unexpected loss, Sarah and I shared one unforgettable night together. The next morning, she made the decision to walk away from what could’ve been.
To her, we were a mistake.
To me, we were everything I never knew I needed.
Those I’m closest to never understood me.